thoughts on monday.

Since I last wrote, nothing has been particularly satisfyingly productive in my life. Does that make sense? Well, perhaps I'll try to explain: I get on these kicks of overwhelmingly satisfying productivity. Even if the items I'm completing on my to-do list are extremely mundane, & even if the to-do list isn't miles upon miles long... I just get this feeling of euphoria as I carry out my day. Here is a great example of one of those types of days.

But, like I said: I haven't been feeling that feeling lately. And oh, how I miss it. I miss zipping around, doing this & that, schlicing it off my to-do list with a highlighter... Yes. I miss that. 

The truth is: I've been in a BIG rut. There, I said it. I know it's one of the most overused phrases or ideas or whatever, but sometimes saying that you're "in a rut" is the only way to express what's happening when you stop wanting to rise early, when you feel exhausted by eight p.m., & you aren't taking joy in little day-to-day items. I've been in a rut. 

My to-do lists have weighed on me... have gone un-schliced. They have mocked me days later, when I gaze upon them & find them achingly bare. Starkly un-highlighted. And yet, I continued making the lists. I continued piling on the items, knowing I wasn't going to complete them. And I continued in this vicious cycle for days... weeks. 

Then, this morning, as I was sitting outside of my Anatomy & Physiology classroom, I knew what I needed to do, as if the answer had been there all along [because it had]. Make a different type of to-do list. Re-arrange my tasks. Look at my previously-daunting list in a slightly different light. I think I'm surprised every time at how different something feels from a slightly adjusted vantage point.

So, I'm going to try to remember this time. I'm going to try to remember, that when my to-do lists feel un-doable, or my tasks feel like lead weighing down my steps... I'll just come at them from a different angle. I'll see them differently. I'll feel them differently. And I'll most certainly carry them out differently. 

Better.