Tuesday, September 24, 2013

thoughts on tuesday.

An important truth was illuminated for me last night as Justin & I discussed my current stress levels. We were walking the trail at Hugh MacRae Park, something Justin suggested & which I was eager for. 

"You're not taking enough time during the week to relax," he said. "You need to take it easy sometimes, instead of constantly working on school."

At first, I tried to defend the constant obsession with school, citing that my incessant working was the only way to produce the grades I've been making.

But as we put more & more of the trail behind us, I realized he was right. Running around like a crazy person all the time was, indeed, happening at the same time that good grades were happening. But, as I've been learning in school, correlation does not always equal causation.

In other words, the craziness was not, in itself, producing the good grades. And perhaps I can cut myself a little slack during the week (AND WEEKENDS) & still maintain the school standards I've set for myself.

So that's what I'm trying this week, starting today. Instead of freaking out about my A&P class & being able to be the one who can answer all of the teacher's questions, I just sat back & listened. And sat in a coffee shop beforehand, texting a dear friend, going through my email, & writing.

I've been so stressed because I haven't been focused on cultivating the kind of life I want to live. I've been micro-focusing, & in turn, absolutely obsessing over things that, in the big picture, do not matter.

There is a purpose in life, & I have my own role to play in that bigger purpose. That belief allows me the relief that I don't have to run myself ragged to fulfill my role.

Scaling back & making more time for myself & my loved ones - that is my main role right now. And I'm more than happy to fill it.

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